


bad pick-up lines: a history

by kaas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Humor, M/M, brief mention of oikawa and yahaba, not actually awkward though because makki is a human meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 07:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11286093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaas/pseuds/kaas
Summary: Hanamaki has a bad day. Or a good day, depending on how you look at it.





	bad pick-up lines: a history

**Author's Note:**

> I can't write for shit but here you go, have two memes [terribly] flirting! yay.

Hanamaki Takahiro had a good life. He had an apartment, good friends, a loving family, food, occasional good luck. He considered himself to be a very put together person (although his mother would disagree). His impression of himself was as such: he always knew what to say, was polite to all, and was quite decent looking. It would take a very bad day to make him lose his cool stature. The day he met Matsukawa Issei just happened to be one of those days.

The apparently handsome man [that's hanamaki] in question went over the list of things he still had to do that day as he made his way out of his apartment a second time, after forgetting most of his belongings inside of the silverware drawer. Upon realizing that the list was considerably long, he felt the need to go back into his apartment, wrap himself in approximately 8 blankets, and do what he was best at; sleeping and procrastinating. What good was a day like today, anyways? It was raining cats, dogs, and probably llamas too. He had to go to his least favorite class, he had to babysit some bratty kids, and he wouldn’t even get to nap.

Despite his wishes, he found himself outside in the freezing cold walking to his next class. After a brutal 15 minutes of battling the elements to get to his Psych class, he finally reached the grey building. He stepped into the elevator and felt all breath leave his lungs. In front of him stood a tall brunette, who, in complete honesty, was more attractive than anyone he’d ever seen. His soft eyes focused intently on the paper in front of him while he hummed softly. Despite being hunched over, he was still a head taller than Hanamaki. His hair was short and curly, and it quaked slightly as the human beneath it shook his head. Takahiro wondered if the mop of deep brown curls was as soft as it looked.

The face that hid under the mop of hair was just as wondrous as his locks. His long face shifted ever so slightly as he read whatever was I front of him. His eyebrows, which resembled caterpillars but still managed to be attractive lifted slightly as his nose crinkled and his mouth turned upwards; oh my gods, his lips. They were rosy pink and glistened slightly in the crappy elevator lighting, and Takahiro would probably sell his soul just to touch them. Hanamaki thought to himself, “That is one hell of a fine specimen.” 

The mystery man’s eyes lifted inquisitively off the bundle of papers in front of him to meet Takahiro’s, and good lord, this man would probably be the death of him. He smirked with his stupidly attractive lips and caterpillar-like eyebrows and drawled “You done ogling yet?” Hanamaki’s sass generator went into overdrive at that moment, and he managed to squeak out “I just wanted t-to let you know that you have something on your f-face.” Caterpillar-san’s hands went up to his face, searching for the ‘something’ in question. Jesus, his hands were stunning too. “I absolutely do not have a hand fetish,” Takahiro thought to himself to no avail. 

Takahiro was awakened back to the world sans romantic music with a start. “Care to tell me what exactly is on my face right now?” Caterpillar-san asked him while still feeling up his face. “You seem t-to have two large m-male caterpillars right above your eyebrows,” Hanamaki said before bursting into nervous laughter. He reserved his sass for people he was close to, like Oikawa or Yahaba, but a complete stranger? His personal rulebook stated to never sass complete strangers. 

Just as Tall Dark and Handsome was about to say something, the elevator lurched to a stop. Some of the man’s papers fell out of his hands, and Hanamaki rushed to pick them up while the other man pushed the ‘open door’ button. “We appear to be stuck,” he said in a monotonous voice, “Do you happen to have a cell phone on hand?” Hanamaki pulled his phone out of his pocket and then realized that there was no cell service. “Goddamn school buildings have no cell service.” He informed the other passenger. It was then that he started to panic. Just a little bit. The stranger seemed to notice this and reassured him with gentle words. “It’s ok, I’m sure they’ll realize the elevators broken sooner or later and come and get us. There’s no need to be scared.” Hanamaki looked up, ad in his panicked state snapped “I’ not scared, you’re scared!” The man held back a chuckle as Takahiro felt his face bloom a violent red. “Sorry,” he mumbled “Just a little freaked out over here.” The man sat down next to Hanamaki, who was still crouched on the floor. “It’s ok, not all of us have rational fears like lightning or sharks.” Hanamaki threw what he hoped to be a glare at Caterpillar-san as he lowered himself down next to Tall Dark and Handsome.

“We might end up being here for a bit, so get comfortable,” the stranger said to him. “I’m Matsukawa Issei, by the way.” 

Hanamki smirked at him and chirped, “Nice to meet you, Mattsun, I’m Hanamaki Takahiro.” 

“Hanamaki Takahiro,” Matsukawa rolled his name over his tongue. “A pretty name for a pretty face, I suppose.”

Hanamaki felt his face go beet red. His internal systems screamed at him “HE IS FLIRTING WITH YOU. ASK THE MAN OUT.” Hanamaki settled on staring, bewildered, and the man in front of him.

“No? Oh well, it was worth a shot.” Matsukawa went back to his papers as Hanamaki continued staring at him. 

As he took out his notes, he recapped the situation. He was stuck in an elevator with the tall dark and handsome Matsukawa Issei, who in turn thought he was cute? He was having trouble running this through his head. Tall Dark and Handsome, who could definitely get any girl, guy or anybody nice he wanted, found him attractive? With his shitty pink dye job, eyebrow-less features, and average height? How lucky could he get today. He decided, belatedly, to go for it, after a very long time thinking about how to go about asking the most attractive guy he’d ever seen on a date. 

Just as he was about to say something, the elevator started moving back down. 

“Oh thank heavens, were moving,” Matsukawa sighed with relief “It was nice getting to know you a little bit, I guess.” 

With that, he stepped out of the elevator and started to escape. Hanamaki decided not to let him. He started after the brunette, and tapped him on the shoulder. Hanamaki took a deep breath. “Hey, are you google?” After a stunned stare from the other, Hanamaki continued. “Because you’re everything I’m searching for.” After a second too much of awkward silence, Hanamaki did the only thing that he could think of doing. He ran.

\------

After a long hectic morning, full of apologizing to his professor for missing his class entirely and begging his classmates for their notes, Hanamaki trudged back to his shared apartment. He saw no other cause for his horrible morning other than the handsome man in the elevator. As he climbed the stairs, as he was too scared of elevators in general at the moment, he began to understand that Matsukawa Issei was the cause of all evil in the world, or rather, the final boss. To get heart back, he must defeat him and his powerful eyebrows once and for all.

“CURSE YOU, MATSUKAWA ISSEI,” Hanamaki screamed as he attempted to shove his key into the lock. 

“What about cursing me?” A smooth, deep, voice chuckled behind him. Hanamaki immediately went rigid. This had to be a dream, right? There was no way. Surely his luck wasn’t that bad. He made an executive decision that hallucinating would be better than facing the situation standing behind him. He squeezed his eyes shut as he slowly spun around, praying to whoever was up there that he had just imagined his handsome acquaintance’s voice. No such luck.

As he opened his eyes, he was met with arched, bushy, eyebrows, and upturned, still beautifully pink lips. They parted as the man to whom they belonged said playfully “Makki-kun! Fancy seeing you here? Is it possible that we are neighbors?” He stretched the last word artfully. Takahiro just stood there, his hand on his key, his eyes glued to the model in front of him, unable to produce a coherent word. He settled for an eloquent “U-um yeah.”

The door behind him opened, finally, and Hanamaki took the much-needed escape. Goddamn final bosses, why must they be so tricky? He thought as he slid down against the door.

A sharp rap on the door interrupted his wallowing. A muffled “Makki-kun?” came through as said ‘Makki-kun’ put his hands over his face. He wasn’t a bashful human. In fact, he was one of the most outrageous and blunt people he knew. He mumbled quietly to himself “I am Hanamaki Takahiro. I flirt with everyone, from old ladies to cats. I can do the same for this man.” With that, he opened the door.

“Hi, sorry, I think I dropped something out here.”

“What would that be?”

“My jaw.” Hanamaki smirked, hoping to have bested Caterpillar-kun.

“I haven’t seen it, sorry. I wanted to see you if you were hungry, you see, I made too much bacon. Wanna strip?” Matsukawa puffed out his chest, seeming to think he’d won. Makki wasn’t so sure.

“That would be great! Do you have any water to go with that, because boy am I thirsty!”

As he winked, Matsukawa said, “I have milk, if you’d be willing to drink that.” With that, the two boys collapsed into peals of laughter.

A few minutes and busted guts later, Hanamaki asked “Do you want to come in? I don’t have bacon, but I can make you tea.” After a nod of asset from Matsukawa, who was still gasping for breath, they got up and headed into Hanamaki’s flat. 

Makki shouted at nothing to see if his roommate was home, and the shout came back without a response, luckily. He wanted to spend time with Matsukawa, and just Matsukawa. No annoying roommates. 

A few minutes later, after tea had been made, they were sitting on the couch, talking about whatever stupid topic came to them first. Hanamaki was enjoying himself. It wasn’t often (read: never) that he found someone he enjoyed talking to this much. Sure, some people were entertaining, and some were like talking to a tree, but talking to Matsukawa was, for lack of a better metaphor, like talking to Albert Einstein. 

After sometime had passed, Hanamaki looked at the wall and realized how much time had passed. “Shit, Mattsun, it’s 4:30, and I have to be somewhere in T-minus 5 minutes,” He rushed, interrupting whatever Matsukawa had been saying “I’m so sorry.” Matsukawa gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t mind, don’t mind. Do you think you have time to give me your number?” “Of fucking course,” Hanamaki grinned. 

The two men swapped numbers and smiles as Matsukawa started out the door. Hanamaki handed back Matsukawa’s phone “Visit whenever you like, ok?” Soft pink lips turned upwards, lopsided. “What are you, a mom?” Hanamaki chucked. “Just kidding. The same goes for you, neighbor.”

As he walked to volleyball practice that afternoon, Hanamaki smiled softly to himself as he thought “Despite all the shit that has happened today, it has been a good day.”

\------

The next morning, Hanamaki awoke (if you could even call it that) to his phone buzzing. He groaned as he picked it up, mind foggy and aching to go back to sleep. He winced at the brightness of the screen and strained his eyes to read the message that had arrived.

Caterpillar-san: Makki-kun, r u awake?

Bubblegum_prince: No.

Caterpillar-san: Something seems to suggest that u r

Caterpillar-san: I have a question

Bubblegum_prince: Well then ask it before I fall back asleep

Caterpillar-san: There’s this thing for one of my classes where I have to bring a model to draw. Would you do me the honor of being my model?

Bubblegum_prince: You woke me up at this ungodly hour to ask me that?

Bubblegum_prince: Of course I do, I wouldn’t miss a chance to show my beautiful face

Caterpillar-san: First of all, 9:30 am is not an ungodly hour, and second of all, I’ll be by to get you in 30 minutes. Put clothes on, at least.

Caterpillar-san: Or don’t. That works too

Hanamaki sighed. He was partially awake already, so he might as well complete the task of getting out of his bed. In five minutes. He pulled the covers back over himself and let himself sleep for five more minutes.

Thirty five minutes later, Hanamaki woke up to his doorbell. He gurgled at the doorbell to shut up, pulled a sweatshirt on, and sleepwalked his way to get the door. “Whaaat?” He groaned, “It’s barely even light out.” A surly voice came from above him, “You weren’t kidding about going back to sleep, I see.” Hanamaki groaned and fell into the muscular chest in front of him. “I will not be held accountable for my actions prior to 1 pm,” he righted himself and looked into his neighbors face, “Let me put on pants, please.” He left to get dressed after futile protests on Matsukawa’s behalf.

“So, you’re an artist, huh?” Hanamaki attempts to make conversation earlier than 2pm normally fell flat, and Matsukawa was no exception. 

“Um, yeah, I’m majoring in Art, so I guess I am.” Matsukawa chuckled. Oh, what a beautiful sound, Takahiro thought, can he have Matsukawa chuckling be his ringtone? 

“And why did you pick me to be your model?” Hanamaki was genuinely curious about this. They had just met yesterday, and happened to be neighbors, and now he wanted him to model for him?

“Because you’re cute.” Takahiro’s head snapped up to see Matsukawa’s face reddening quickly. “I mean, your hair is cute. It’s a nice pink. Your hair, not you, not you!” Matsukawa blurted out. Hanamaki smirked at him. “Me or my hair, which is it, eyebrows?” Matsukawa turned his face away from Hanamaki’s and mumbled something inaudible. “What was that? You’ll have to be a little louder.” Takahiro practically sung. A slightly louder mumble from Matsukawa’s direction “—ou.” Takahiro taunted, “Whaaat? I still can’t hear a thing you’re saying!” Matsukawa took a large, dramatic, breath. “YOU. ARE. CUTE. DATE ME.” Both men were left surprised at Matsukawa’s sudden declaration. Makki was the first to regain his ability to speak. 

“You’re gonna have to do better than that if you want me, Handsome,” Takahiro shifted to face Matsukawa head on. 

Matsukawa coughed before straightening up and meeting Hanamaki’s gaze. “Hanamaki Takahiro, you are one of the most beautiful men I have met. You’re funny, sweet, and use shitty pick-up lines. Please accept my feelings!” He squealed the last part like a child who had too much sugar.

Hanamaki felt his cheeks changing color to match his hair. “I accept th—your feelings, Mattsun, let’s date.” He stumbled over his words, but it’s good enough for Matsukawa, apparently, because he took Takahiro’s face in his hands and smooches him. His soft lips were cool and sweet against Hanamaki’s, so much that he forgot to kiss back. To make up for it, he brought his lips back up to meet his suitors. 

\--------  
two years later  
\--------

“Hey Issei, remember when you confessed to me like a schoolgirl with a crush?”

“Hey Takahiro, remember when you asked me if I was Google, because I was everything you were looking for?”

“I stand by my choice of pick-up line. Besides, it worked, didn’t it?”

“You make a fair point.”

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to let you know, my search history consists of "shitty pick-up lines", "super bad pick-up lines", and "matsuhana fluff"


End file.
